Single Adult Christians in Johannesburg: The Quiet Obedience of the Long Wait

There is a season in the life of many South African Christians that is rarely discussed in church. It is the season of singleness. The season can be by choice. The season can be by circumstance. The season can be by grief. The season can be by vocation. The season is the long wait. The season is the time when the world asks the question Why are you still single? and the answer is not a single sentence.

What the Bible Says About Singleness

1 Corinthians 7:7-8 — I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God. 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 — An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs — how he can please the Lord. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. Matthew 19:12 — For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others — and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Luke 2:36-37 — Anna the prophetess, who never left the temple but worshipped night and day, fasting and praying.

Singleness is not presented as a problem to be solved. Singleness is presented as a gift to be received.

The Five Temptations of the Single Adult in Johannesburg

Temptation 1 — The Comparison Trap

The comparison trap is the comparison of your life to the lives of your married friends. The feeds are curated. The married life is not actually what the social media shows. 2 Corinthians 10:12 — When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.

Temptation 2 — The Compromise Trap

The temptation to settle for the wrong relationship because the right relationship has not arrived. The Christian dating pool in Johannesburg who is also the right age, the right stage of life, the right faith — that pool is very small. 2 Corinthians 6:14 — Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. The patience is worth it. The compromise is not worth it.

Temptation 3 — The Busyness Trap

The temptation to fill the singleness with endless activity. The city is full of things to do. Psalm 46:10 — Be still, and know that I am God. The still is the opposite of the busyness.

Temptation 4 — The Self-Reliance Trap

The temptation to do life alone. To build the life that does not need anyone. The city is a city of self-reliance. Galatians 6:2 — Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfil the law of Christ.

Temptation 5 — The Identity Trap

The temptation to make the singleness the whole identity. The Bible says in 1 Peter 2:9 — But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession. The identity is the chosen people. The relationship status is the second thing.

The Three Practices That Have Helped the Single Adults in Our Bible Study

Practice 1 — Keep the Sabbath

The practice of stopping. The Saturday morning walk. The Sunday afternoon quiet. The Friday evening at the Bible study. The Sabbath is the frame that holds the week.

Practice 2 — Build the Friendship First

The friendship is the foundation. The friendship is the practice. The friendship is the long obedience. The single adult who has built the friendship has built the foundation for the marriage that may come. The single adult who has built the friendship has also built the foundation for the life that does not include the marriage.

Practice 3 — Serve Beyond Yourself

The single adult has the time. The single adult has the energy. The single adult has the bandwidth. The serving is the long obedience of the practical love.

A Prayer for the Single Adult in Johannesburg

God of the long wait — we thank you for the life you have given us. We thank you for the work. We thank you for the friends. We thank you for the city. We thank you for the Bible study. We thank you for the Wednesday night. We name the waiting. We name the questions we have asked. We ask you to give us the grace of the season. Help us to be content. Help us to be generous. Help us to be the disciple you have called us to be. In the name of the one who was unmarried and whole, and who loved the church as his bride. Amen.

Johannesburg Bible Study Church meets online every Wednesday at 7:30pm. The single adults, the married adults, the young adults, the older adults — all are welcome. Call +27 77 487 1295 or +27 67 442 4461 to join.